Khaike Paan Benaras Waala!

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There is a tradition in India of chewing paan.  In Benaras, it becomes integral part of everyone’s life! Benaras always brings forth in mind the “Benarasi Paan”. And every Benarasi gets very emotional when it comes to their Paan. For them anyone can wait but not the Benarasi Paan.

There are interesting stories related to Paan here at Benaras. It’s said once there was a very devoted Benarasi. Every morning he would pray to Kashi Vishwanath with full faith then start with work. One day the Lord, pleased with his devotion, came to him with “Amrit” when he was sitting on the banks of Ganga. He asked the Benarasi to have some of this amrit. But the Benarasi refused saying, “Sorry but how can I have it now?” Lord was surprised; he enquired what the problem was! Benarasi replied calmly, “Maharaj, O Ka Hain Na Ki, abhi eigo benarasi paan ghole hain”. Continue reading

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Whacky Bikerz!!

I was reading one funny article on bike and recalled similar incident I went through long back. This happened in those days when I didn’t have a bike of my own though knew how to ride one. And already I was one adventurous experience old with bikes.

It was the first day in college of my friend Himanshu’s sister Neetu. And we decided to be there at college and lend her the moral support. On her request mind you, as she was scared of ragging! Her first class and we asked her to go. We all were standing at the bike stand which was directly facing Neetu’s classroom door and hardly few feet away from the building. I casually took the rider’s seat, holding the bike handles. One of my friends’ suddenly challenged me if I can kick start a bike while sitting in that position.

I took up the challenge and gave a kick. Made two grave mistakes! I never took hold of the brakes and never noticed the bike was in gear. The moment it took start, the bike jumped forward. Yes Literally Jumped!! And by the time I pressed the brakes and looked up, I found I was inside Neetu’s classroom.

It felt like whole world is on “Pause” mode. I felt like “The Specimen” in the zoology lab that is being studied carefully. My first reaction was to look back and get some support from my friends. Friends in need are then Friends Indeed!! My dear friend’s made sure to break my myth; they all had their back turned toward me. I realized that day the truth behind the saying “You come to this world alone and walk along alone”.

The first person to recover was the Prof. “If I am not wrong, you need to ask permission before entering the class?” was his first words. Only reply I could come up with was “Yes Sir”. “How about entering the class like a normal student than in a chariot?” “Yes Sir”. “If you are done with your yes sir’s, can you now take a decision as to joining the class or your friend’s outside? Whatever you do, please make sure to keep this chariot of yours outside the class”.

That was the last “Yes Sir” from me and I was next out of not just the class but the college compound itself.

What still remains as a photographic memory of this incident is Neetu’s face when I looked at her after making my grand entry. It was such a mixture of Shock, Fear and Disbelief!! Must be cursing the moment when she asked her brother to be there with his friends to lend support.

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Who wanna join me…..

Traveling is something I love. Yet there are few places, some Ispecial ones in life, I have missed out. Few I don’t want to even go and others where I want to avoid going again.

I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone while I prefer taking the walk alone. 😀

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. 😉

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore. Getting lazy you know. Also at times this jump is very dangerous. It lands you to the land in Confusion which I seriously hate going.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. 😦

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. 🙂

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often whenever there’s some work on hand during weekends. 😉

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up this heart! It’s so much fun to get all the stimuli I can get! 😉 😉

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!!!

So who all wanna join me in my next travel? 😉

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The Cartoon Network.

So Preeti here I go with your request. May “Spinach” give me the needed strength to tackle all after this.

On request from Preeti, here’s the Cartoon series.

Disclaimer – All characters shown here are imaginary ones, and if any of you have the same name then its the fault of upar waala as he gave me those names when I came across those graphics.

Shagun - Hmmmppphhhh!!! Don't do it Partner and BB

 

Shiza - Huh. Wasting time on these!! Where's my Eidi Bro??

 

Mango - Youuuuuuuuu Paajiiiii. Wait let me now hit you with a century of notifications!!!

 

Saara - Sighhhhh. Quite hurt with Arsenal. Will I ever get to see my team as Champions??

 

Amby - BB Don't Call me BABYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 

Amby - Preeti you made him start with that Blog post??? :-@

 

Avani to Nidhi - Chal Preeti ki khabar lete hai. :-@

 

Preeti - BHAIIIIII Save me. They all are after me.

 

Gagan - Shhhhhh Preeti. Don't make so much of ruckus. You started it now face it bravely. Keep silence, I am studying.

 

Anku, currently in a phylosophical mood - There Preeti. See my teaching gets proved, you reap what you sow.

 

Adi - Friends, leave all this and help. I am down with so much of work load that I am even forgetting my mail passwords.

 

Bhaijaan - Better I go into hiding before they come after me.

 

Pachu, in her own Lala-Gaga land unaware of whats happening around.

 

Donny - Let me follow Pachu and set my future before this whole lot does the damage. **Hi to be Mrs Donny, how about a date?**

 

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R.I.P. Love of my Life!!!!

Image courtesy Google

I still remember the first day when I set my eyes on you, 16th June 2010, a Wednesday hot summer afternoon. I was transfixed by the sight, you were there, right there in front of me, sitting idly in an inanimate form. So innocent, so flattering in my fav colour get up! The way you lay in repose, I was sure it had to be you. Love at first sight, this is what they say, I felt connected.

I bought you home and everyone liked you, no, loved you. The way you just so seamlessly connected to everyone, and made everyone dance around you merrily, you were just a magnifica opera d’arte. I remember how few, especially my landlady, was a little apprehensive while handling you, lest you may get hurt. Shouting on anyone, even me, if you were not treated properly. Her way of handling you showed us how careful she is even with her little one, same apprehension, same protectiveness, same concern that he might get hurt!! But then, it was her first time meeting you.

We had a great time together, you virtually became my ears. An extension to my ears who can just add music to my life. Thinking of ears reminds me of how many journeys we have taken, over the mountains, on boat rides splashing waters, through lands of flowers and so many. I thought and planned trips, while you assisted in its execution. Some said you’re too heavy, some said you’re not enough, but for me you were just perfect.

I believed that our relation was meant to last long, really long. I never saw it coming, the futility of wishful thinking. Nothing’s built to last, nor you, neither me. You are lost, to me, forever. I am at loss that I cannot repair. Post mortem reveals that you succumbed to some malfunction in your sensory parts, how I now wish I had just cremated you in the dead of the night yesterday rather than to open you up and look for signs of resurrection. Hope! I was blinded, so naive.

The way you upheld your loyalty to me, I feel all the more proud, and this makes me more nostalgic. The only solace that I can get is that you breathed your last in my very palms.

We had a beautiful time together my friend, my aide. I wish you all the peace. Dearest Ipod, R.I.P.!

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Amby on the Hot Seat!!!

Amby (Baby) on the Hot Seat.

Daneil is a lucky man. He beat me to the punch by interviewing the eastern sun before I woke up. So what if he was assisted by the blogger Gods. I have decided to do my interviews too with my own celebrities. So here’s our first celebrity on the hot seat!!! Amby, our cute Baby!!!

Me: Hello Amby baaaa…, ummm can I call you Baby?

A:  Baby mat bolo na broooooo!! 😦 I am no more a baby, you know even my dimaag has started running so fast now a days. How can you call me a baby!!

Me: Oh ok, Amby would do for now. So Amby, I heard you made a graphics on food. Do you know I had CHILLI tikka masala BABY corn once in dinner? 😀

A: Besides jalaofying me, why are you shouting the two words Chilli and baby while giving me such devilish look. They are no way related to me. :@

Me: I know they are not related to you, was just making the statement as a conversation. 😛 So what’s latest happening in your life? Actually you know what. I was thinking……

A: Noooooo don’t think. :O Whenever you start thinking I get a 100volt ka jhatka. You need rest bro, why not get over with the interview and go off to sleep.

Me: Come now Amby, okay I’ll think about the same later.

A: What’s exactly running in your mind bro? Let me know fast so that I can pack up and go on a one month Himalayan tour. **Wondering where my bapu went? Pakro bapu ko koi yaar**

Me: You really are a chatter box. Now tell what’s happening in your tapori family.

A: Bhaiiii I am NORMAL. 😀 Bak bak karne ka dept to Shiza ka hai family mein. And Bapu, all time free bas awaaz dene ki zarurat hai. And my shheewwty butter momma is lost…..goes on vacation everytime alll alonee…. :(( kabhi hume saath hee nai leke jaate.

Shiza: Sorry to poke in. Chatterbox kiske kisko bola??

Me: Shiza please get out of this habit of poking, you seem to be poking me even while I am driving, cooking!!!And yes out now, we are on air live.

Me: So, getting back to Amby! What is all this we hear about Mr Arjun Bijlani and your family ruckus?

A: OMG even this is public news! Your Nalayak Beta and Bahu are always eyeing on their one and ONLY damaad. Only my Bua Preeti is shareef. Kya Dadu aapne beta aur bahu ko kya yehi sikhaya hai. =))

Me: Okay tell me, what is your motto of life?

A: Enjoy life Bhaiiii, tension dusro ko do. 😀

Me: I also heard about some problem with your institute regarding few courses.

A: Arae Bhai. It was CSS. I had to do it online. Institute people threw me out. Because I had no interest in what they were teaching and I would chat along on my cell. Even bunked my class! 😀 So Dad stopped giving me the money to pay them and they in turn threw me out.

Me: Well we are at the end of the interview. But as the first person to come on stage and bravely face the mike, I have a nice gift for you.

A: You have a NICE gift for me???????????????????? Daal mein kuch kala hai?? NO NO wait!!! Since its you, puri ki puri dal kali hai…:)) Now what do you plan to do Broooo? Beta Amby, betta be gayab again for a month!!!

There she’s gone!!!! Bye, till we are back with our next celebrity. And very soon too.

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Petition to Chair-God, please do listen to us!!!

Image Courtesy Google

To
The God
Head of Department
Weather Wing,
India Zone

CC
The Chair-GOD
Lord of all wings
Kailash Parbat
Time: 10:30 am IST

Dear God

Subject: KgP Weather

I know you must be completely occupied with your December, 2012 plans but meanwhile, with due regards, and I would like to draw your attention towards the dismal weather scenario in KgP. Its 2nd week of May and temperature is already soaring up beyond 40C. Sometimes, it feels that Equator’s epicenter is this place only and we are inside some kind of an unregulated oven. Humidity, BEWARE.  I have been sweating so badly that in the last few days I have tasted every salt my body has produced through the sweat and trust me it’s not NaCl (common salt), it taste way weird. About body odour!!!! Guess what, if odour were visible, as color is, I’d see the summer garden in rainbow clouds.

God, as per my class 2nd books, there are 4 seasons. (World Meteorological Department later confirmed me as well) But it seems like you have completely forgotten about spring. About spring don’t you even ask? People have even stopped expecting it here. Probably, the next generations of KgP won’t even have the description of spring in their school-curriculum. Not fair God. It’s just summer and dreadful eternal summer here. And YOU MR. SIDNEY SHELDON, Nothing Last Forever, sorry YOU ARE WRONG!!!!

God, I am not accusing you but literally I feel that the sub ordinates to whom you have given the in charge of KgP zone are perhaps busy listening to Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM, “It’s hot” without realizing the fact that KgP is turning way hotter.

Trust me god, the constant sweating while watching cricket matches (IPL season 4 these days) or Football or Nadal/FedX, is exceptionally irritating. And someone even informed me that it’s Head God who when plays cricket to hit 4’s and 6’s, we get rains. I just want to bring to your notice that could be he is not really fair in hitting the boundaries in all the zones. This does need attention from even HCC (Heaven Cricket Council). I do smell match fixing here God.

Dear god, I don’t want to hurt your sentiments. In fact, I am a big follower of yours. I appreciate the way you made dinosaurs to extinct which I personally feel that you did the right thing. Do same with the cockroaches and mosquitoes. Least to mention, you made India win the WC and I know deep inside that when that winning six was struck, it was not Dhoni, it was you. (Ok fine, enough of buttering).

But god, please please pleases, for god’s sake, take this place’s condition seriously. After all, it’s a big city too. Today DOORDARSHAN includes KgP weather showing at the base while telling the weather news during National NEWS, then why don’t you include it in your priority list. God please don’t concentrate all the UVs of India over us only. Distribute it in a fair manner please.

Awaiting immediate response,

Truly yours (except in May)
Bhaskar Thakur
Resident, KgP

PS: That’s it, confirmed, I will go to hell now for this complaint against Zonal God. My partner in crime here – Pachu!! Please don’t forget her God when you consider my case. She instigated me with her talks about “Rains” the illusion at present for me.

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The solution, if its a “Solution”!!!

Image coutesy Google

Raat akeli hai, Bujh gaye diye, Aake mere paas, Kaano mein mere, Jo bhi chahe kahey”. Don’t even think for a moment I am talking about “Them”. I am talking about my biggest enemy, the blood sucking parasites – Mosquitoes!!

It just needs to get dark and from nowhere these vampires would land up in my room and start singing all Himesh Reshamiya Mika songs. How I wish they could be among those who have no idea about how to make others suffer with Insomnia. At times they are even invisible. Blood sucking parasites turning into “Blood sucking Vampires”!!

Mosquito instigated Insomnia made me sit up but had no idea what to do. Thought of writing an essay for a contest being held here, topic being “India and its Diversity”! I started off as – “India is a big diverse country with mountains in the north and ocean on south. West has desert while…..blah blah!” After just a para I realized the essay looked more like written by a Class fifth student. Maybe mosquitoes were not just sucking my blood but also basic common sense intelligence!

Keeping the essay aside I started thinking on this new trouble. How to tackle it such that even Menaka Gandhi would be tempted to give me the National Animal Lover award? “Getting rid of mosquitoes without killing them”! Here are few of the theories I could work out with. You have more, please do add to help mankind from these blood suckers!!

  1. Mosquitoes somehow always end up entering the mosquito nets and then feed on us. How about making a hole in the net which can be closed tight when needed and now sit inside. Let the “Vampires” enter the net and now the skill part. The vampires would be around and on you. You’ll need to push them aside and jump out of the net after closing the opening you made in the net. All those small vampires inside the net and you can now sleep peacefully outside.
  2. And if you feel you cannot manage the skill part then you can always try this. Get a life size model of yours made. It should look real. Put this model inside the “Holed” mosquito net and you go out of the room. After 10 or so minutes just go in and close the hole again. Believe it will take just that much time for those parasites to attack the model.
  3. Last and could be risky though. Let them bite you. After sucking your blood he’ll be full and won’t bite again.

**All the above conditions apply when your door and windows are kept closed after darkness falls.

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The “Game” is really OVER!!!!

I have a confession to make – I have committed a “Crickrime”. I watched “Game” the movie instead of watching Mumbai Indians first IPL “Game”.  Of late I have been feeling a bit reckless. After the Ravan fiasco watching Bachhua’s movie is always risky business. Me, I hate taking risks alone and I’m always looking for co-victims. So, I laid out my trap, dangled a few carrots, made sickly sweet promises and managed to trap not one but two bakras – Uttam and Arijitda.

Image Courtesy Google

Morning when I read Game’s review in the TOI, my heart sank deeper than the Titanic.  When someone like Nikhat Kazmi, a critic who praises every trashy movie under the filmy sun, pans a new release – you can’t help but feel distraught!! What have I gotten myself into?  Should I turn up my collar, look shady and try to sell my tickets to unsuspecting strangers? Come on, it has Farhan Akhtar at the helm of matters, it can’t be that bad!  After a long animated discussion with “Me and Myself”, it was decided that we will go ahead like the crew of Star Trek – to boldly go where no man has gone before. Aye aye captain!!!

The hall was packed if you didn’t look beyond the last three rows and we had two smelly men who were in love with the sound of their voice sitting right behind.  Arijitda in his sternest prof like voice asked them to shut up or move to the front rows.  It worked like magic.

Game, directed by Abhinay Deo is a suspense drama.  A billionaire, Kabir Malhotra (Anupam Kher) invites the four lead characters to his private island in Greece.  The lead characters are multinational but their “Dil is phir bhi Hindustani” – Aby baby from Istanbul, badly in need of a shave. Gillette better take note.  Boman Irani an aspiring prime ministerial candidate from Thailand with perpetually raised eyebrows and a spooky surname – Ramsay,  Jimmy Shergil a perspiring film star with a haunted past from where else but Mumbai and Shahana Goswani – a journalist from London who loves her drink too much.   It turns out they have all been involved in the life and death of Malhotra’s long lost daughter Maya (Sarah Jane) and the reclusive tycoon is totally put off with them.  He offers them vintage wine and then drops the bombshell (thou shalt go to prison) and none of them end up having that precious wine!! What a colossal waste.

And then enters the death angle into the story or to be specific murder!!! The IVS (International Vigilance Squad) comes swooping in and it’s then you are confounded with the eternal truth – you can escape from India but you cannot escape Indians.  Even the chief investigating officer Sia Agnihotri (Kangana Ranaut) of an international agency and her incredibly dumb deputy are desis.  No wonder the firangis hate us, we have taken all their jobs! The story now takes off with why-he-done-it and gradually changes to whodunit.

Comedy – Kangana Ranaut looking all earnest, twirling her pen furiously and erupting into – I jusst dun’t bilivvv this!  Well Kangana, I don’t believe this either!

As per Uttam, the “Tragedy” was to see a wine as old as old as Thomas Jefferson going waste.  Really! Couldn’t Anupam Kher have behaved better as a host and let his guests enjoy their wine in peace rather than pieces?  And seriously guys couldn’t you have just drunk the damn wine before shattering your glasses?

AND the BIGGEST HORROR – Seeing Abhishekh Bacchan without his shirt!!

Real Suspense of the movie – “Mr Idea” magically loses weight when he breaks into OP Ramsay’s office and just as quickly regains it when he takes his monkey cap off. The weight is over!

Climax – Even a Farhan Akhtar can pen lame dialogues.  Sample this; Question- Aajkal aap kam nazaar aate hain.  Retort – Apne kabhi chasmaa lagane kaa sochaa hai?

Verdict – If you can ignore Abhishek’s leftover Ravan antics and not squirm at Kangana’s funny accented English, Game is still not a paisa vassol watch. The plot was too far-fetched and twin-obsessed. And a cool watch if you are looking for style tips or planning a trip to foreign locales.

Conclusion – Will definitely plan a trip to Istanbul next summer.

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Breach of Privacy

See the following image, click to enlarge it to see the face of the “Hero” and his “Cool” dialogue!

This guy’s name is Neil Patel (he is a NRI I guess), and he is a web entrepreneur of some sort. I visited his blog a few days ago to check out some article.

Now what happened is, after a couple of days of visiting his website, his **creepy** face started appearing on every website I accessed – Times of India, Economic Times, and many more! First I thought the guy must have started publicizing his blog to Indians too, but then I observed a strange pattern in these ads!

After I visit his blog, these ads disappear for about 2 days, and then again they are splashed everywhere!! It means, this guys website quicksprout – (Don’t Visit!) is installing some trojan cookie or virus on my computer that is reporting back to his servers that I have not visited his website from past 2 days!! And then based on that, his advertisement servers are displaying his face to me everywhere!!

Upon further investigation, I came to know that Neil Patel and internet marketers like him are using spammy companies like ReTargeter  (Don’t visit their website or else they will start spamming your screen too!!) These companies are installing trojan cookies in your computers and keep a track of your web surfing!!

Where the hell did a thing named Privacy go? Who gave rights to companies like ReTargeter or people like Neil Patel to intrude my privacy or my surfing history? More than that, why should I be forced to look at his “Creepilicious Face”, with such an Excellent Hairstyle and read – “Be cool like Neil Patel” every single time I open Times of India!!

Frankly speaking, there is a barber who sits just outside my apartment building (Yes, roadside barber!), he gives a much better haircut for just 15 Rupees. I guess people will look more cool by visiting that barber instead of your website!

I think you are in a serious need of a reality check Mr Patel!

But more than that, friends please do be careful when you visit such sites. Clicking on every other advt to check some interesting site can turn costly especially these “Business blogs”. We did a random check on such sites (few even reputed ones) and almost all showed to be infected with Trojans and Malwares, of the type which acts more like spywares on your PC. They use these companies to get more traffics who mostly use Trojans to get access of your internet activity. Check before clicking any advt, see who is it “Powered” through. If it’s Google, go ahead without any hesitation. Rest, it’s in best interest of our PC-health, to avoid.

Now let me go and give a “Face Lift” to my machine and free it of Patel-Face!

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The Brave Old Lady and her special Guests

Basanti Devi

A walk through a village and talking to people there, you come across many interesting characters. Listening to their life stories can be so inspiring. Their hardship, their day to day fighting with life troubles, yet to keep that smile on your face, yet to make sure to stay in touch with all, they all tell us the basic mantra of how to stay happy in life. In all this you at times also get to meet someone who you can call as one in a million. And this weekend I did meet one.

This person was an old lady of 87yrs named Basanti Devi. She stays all alone. Her daughters are married and her son works at Kolkata. I found the lady really brave but what I loved most about her was her witty nature.

When I entered her mud hut, I found a big hole in the wall of the front room. On inquiring she told it was few thieves who made the passage to enter the house. I got interested. She asked me to sit and brought two cup of tea, then started the story. I am putting it here as she told me. It was told in broken funny hindi but I could understand.

Lady: Most of the houses here are made of mud without any electricity. And thieves have a very simple method of breaking into. They are never sure if the people in a house are sleeping, so they cut out a big hole in a wall. Then they take a mud vessel, round shaped at the bottom, paint it black and pushes through that hole. People inside the house if awake might take it as the head and hit out, in such a case they can now run off safely. But when there’s no response, they then enter the house carefully and carry on with their evil deeds.

Just two days back they targeted my house. I was woken up sometime after midnight. (She has no watch to keep time. For her time does not matter anymore). Hearing the sound I could make out they were cutting the hole. Then they put in the vessel, I decided to keep quiet. And finally three of them entered my room. Seeing me sitting on my bed all three were shocked and turned back to run off. But I called them back, “Wait why are you leaving? I won’t harm you”.

They stopped and stood before me silent. I then requested them to have a seat and got up to make some tea for my guests. They were suspicious and said no, they won’t have any. I then asked one of them to come with me and watch if I am up to any mischief. After serving them tea I gave them all Prasad. I told them that there’s none to have it daily so today you all share it.

After all done I explained the boys that I have nothing worthwhile with me for them to steal. I gave my keys to the trunk I have, my sole wealth. They refused to take the keys and started walking towards the hole to go out. I again stopped them and opened the door for them to walk out. One of them before vanishing into the darkness turned around towards me and said – Thanks thakma for the treat, maybe someday will again meet in a better position.

Me: But why did you let them enter? Why didn’t you call your neighbours? Agree you didn’t have anything worth to be stolen but they could always have harmed you physically. And you even serve them food as if they are some big time guests!!

Lady: At this age harms don’t matter much. I didn’t want to call anyone. Then winking her eyes she says – Just see, they used the same channel to enter my house that they do for others when they could easily have done it by breaking my already broken door. They knew I am 80+ old lady, with no strength, yet they shower so much respect to my strength. This was the least I could do to welcome them and feel good.

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Those absolutely horrendous “Office Chain Mails”

Image courtesy Google

I simply hate chain mails that get passed in the office time to time. I don’t get the logic behind single line replies, or retorts in some cases, which go on till eternity. One fine day you are in the CC list of an innocent mail and the next day you find yourself in the “To” list. The how, why and when of that action is impossible to trace thanks to the unbelievable length of the mail chain and insensible answers that you will have to sift through to solve the mystery!!!

Just try applying the following test. Recall the face of a person you love a lot, now try to imagine how your life would be, if your only medium of communication with them was through continuous mail chains even though you see each other in person. Would you be able to get your point across? Ever? Your answer invariably will be NO.

To illustrate the case in point, I will take the example of a simple conversation with, say, Minniedi. Imagine I am at their place and this conversation I would have with her when say, she calls for dinner every night.

(For Ref: B refers to me, M to Minniedi, A is Aryan while N being Neil!)

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From: M
To: B
CC: A, N

Dear B,

Dinner’s ready. Please find attached the Menu. Kindly provide your approval for the same and grace the occasion with your presence.

Love
didi

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From: B
To: M
CC: A, N

Dear Didi,

The Menu is not okay with me. Roti with that vegetable on a Tuesday!!! That defies Rule 3 of the mutually agreed upon Rulebook. Besides, lauki was on the list of “Prohibited items”. Also, have A and N provided approval? I hope you understand that A being the youngest is the highest authority and hence the next step cannot be taken unless he has provided approval.

In case there are any other queries, we can have a convo call.

Regards
B

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From: M
To: B
CC: A , N

Dear B,

My wordings were misunderstood by you. I am the highest authority in the kitchen, and I have the right to over-rule the rule book. Besides, what is the list of Prohibited items? Please share the same. Apparently, I was never informed about it.

Are you coming or not?

Love
Didi

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From: B
To: M, A, N
CC:

Dear Didi,

Please find attached the required list.

N said yes to this while A’s reply awaited.

@N: Seriously?? What is wrong with you? Lauki??

Sigh. I’ll come. Whatever!!!

B

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From: N
To:  M, B and A
CC:

Dear M & B,

Can you just decide amongst yourselves? Dragged me from “Cc” to “To”. Just like that. Hmmpphh.

@B: Lauki?? You never mentioned that in the mail you sent me. I over-rule that. And what about Chicken fries on Tuesdays as mentioned in Rule 7 para b of the rulebook amendment done last month!!!

N

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From: M
To: B, N, A
CC:

Dear N,
You approved yesterday’s menu thinking it was today’s. But of course!!! We had noodles yesterday, remember? Please find attached today’s menu. Approve it.

M

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From: A
To: B, M, N
CC:

Dear M,
Not approved.
A

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From: M
To: B, N, A
CC:

Dear N, B and A,
Dinner has been served with Lauki and chapati. I have started eating. If you are interested, join in. Otherwise, please find attached the doctor’s bills from the last time you all ate out.

Whatever!!!

Sigh.
M

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From: B
To: M
CC: N, A

Dear Didi,
Coming.

Lots of love!
B

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: N
To: M
CC: B, A

Dear Mom,
Just a sec and I’ll be there.

Hugs,
N

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: A
To: B, M
CC: N

Dear M, B and N,

Sure I’ll be there in a sec.

A

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You get the point. I rest my case.  That, my dear friends, is the worst case scenario and precisely the reason why I hate mail chains.

On that note, I need to go and answer a few dozen mails that have cropped up in my mail box since I started typing out this post. I’ll go play Chain-chain for a while!

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An Affair with an Ant….

Image Courtesy Google

After school life and ragging I think go hand in hand. And as you all must know after Chetan Bhagat’s IITian-bhagvat that IIT’s do follow some nice exclusive ragging methods.

It was Civil Engg class (as per us, it was the most useless subject we were doing) and I arrived at the class ten minutes early in order to grab the last bench so as to complete the 2000 word assignment given by our senior on a mind -blowing topic “AN AFFAIR WITH AN ANT”. The last bench was already occupied.

Me: Hey, please can you give me your seat; I need to complete the special assignment.

That guy just flashed his folder sheets in the air over which his topic was written – “Why Parle G and not Parle F” – 3000 words!!

His teary weary eyes truly expressed that he can’t write 3000 words about him; where this Parle A, B, C, D thing came!!! I expressed my heartfelt sympathy to him like a co-prisoner who is locked up in the same jail.

I took whatever seat available in whatever available end-row and started writing. Half an hour later, I was fully exhausted. Mind clogged. Truly speaking, writing 2000 words on that silly topic felt like counting 2000 stars in daytime. I was so enervated that once I even started listening to the civil professor’s useless lecture.

After 30 seconds of my traumatic concentration to the lecture, I turned my head towards my bench-mate. Rolling the pen between his fingers, fully captivated in the class, he was noting even the minute details of the lecture in his king-size notebook as if he has to prepare a national railway budget for the next fiscal year from those entire details. An ideal Complan boy I guess!!!

I started writing again. I tried to write a sensual portrayal of the ant. Something like this!!

“Wearing a pink colored T-shirt outfitted with 6-legged blue Calvin Klein torn jeans escorted with a long silky hair (0.2mm), she looked like an angel from heaven. Her microscopic hazel eyes when affixed with me, I immediately knew she was the ONE for me. My heart started pounding hard and her delicate antennae blissfully fitted on her head displayed the frequency as 121 beats/second!!! She was implausibly ravishing. Probably James Blunt has sung the song “You are beautiful” remembering that “Gorgeous Ant” only.”

Thereafter, I wrote “something something” which was completely stupid just like the last paragraph. Even then, 2000 words was a Herculean task. So, I stopped pestering my timid brain. I took out The Times of India newspaper which we generally used to take in the civil class for time-pass. Some spicy news on Salman-Sangeeta was making the stories. I copied the whole report just replacing Sangeeta’s name with “Her” and Salman’s with “Me”.

Around 5p.m. in the evening, I submitted the uncanny report to one of my most chilled senior. Better not to take the name, but let me assure you all, I can never forget the fellow ever!!! My goodness, he started reading it with 110% concentration word after word as if it’s an end-semester’s leaked question paper. I shivered as they have strictly mentioned not to copy from any external sources. After few minutes of absolute silence he said – “Well done boy, Good work!!”

I relaxed. Felt like a cold-blooded criminal has been denied of all charges and has been declared innocent. Before I can feel the feelings anymore, that senior (walking away with a guileful smile) said – “By the way, Salman and Sangeeta, everything’s now settled and its peace in their life. Hope you too have a good time tonight at the 5th block terrace at 11p.m. SHARP!!!!!!!!!

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Jab Main Chhota Bachcha Thha…..

Image Courtesy Google

With icy winds blowing outside and snow still there at many places, best thing for me to do is to stay in my bed. Inbetween sitting idle and surfing net through my Blackberry, my thoughts started wandering to those childhood days. Snow meant so much more fun with no schools and whole day playing around with all other village kids.

As a kid I was sort of universally acclaimed big dumb witted moron from inside who used to see his I-card if anyone ask his name unanticipatedly. 😛

I remember there was a play Snow White and Seven Dwarfs organized in our school and I was proffered the role of Prince in that. Since I behaved like a dodo, they decided to make me one of the 7 dwarfs. Yet again as I was completely expressionless so they changed my role to a mere guard. But even guard needs to show some motion, some attitude, I failed to the core. Eventually I ended up being a colorful tree where I had to stand still for whole of the play at the right extreme corner of the stage.

For that imbecilic role, I invited my parents, all bhaiyas, bhabhis, naana, naani, chachu, maama, chachee, Rathore aunty etc etc to have a look AND trust me, they all came and did congratulate me for the “Crucial” role I played.

As a kid, I had only few aims and aspirations in my life:

1. My school bus should overtake all the other buses on the way so that I can tease the kids in those busses that my bus is having the best engine.

2. I desperately wanted to be the Train driver so that I can drive it at a phenomenal speed and thereafter I tend to imagine that I am admired everywhere that SEE this boy, how elegantly he drives. It took me hell of years to figure out that it’s not driver desire that decides the speed of the train.

3. If not train driver, I will be another Sachin Tendulkar. Though I lost to him by mere 30,000+ odd International runs only (and still counting)!! I did try a lot, broke few window panes of our house too. Later on, I figured it out that other than Ludo and Scrabble, I am not good at any sports.

Few misconceptions I had.

  • Amitabh Bachchan is the Prime Minister of India.
  • The universe started at year 0 AD.
  • I was born near a sewer drain and was crying when my mom saw me in that pathetic condition and because of her utter sympathy, she brought me home. (That was convincingly put into my head by my cousin Nikunj Bhaiyaji).
  • 3 TIER (interpreted TYRE by me) in trains means each wagon has 3 tyres in each side.  2 Tier means each coach has 2 tyres in that. No marks for guessing about First Class AC. I used to always wonder how those wagons used to run over the railway tracks, especially the 3 Tier and AC First Class wagons.
  • If you fall in love with someone, you will die. The reason for this Newtonian myth was the death of Aamir khan in QSQT (Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak). I was so moved that I thought that if u love some girl like Aamir did it in QSQT you’ll surely die the same way.

That was ME the “Super-Intelligent” one!!!!

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Nira Radia reveals Himesh Reshamiya’s secret.

Picture courtesy Google

Chauk gaye na!!!!!

When I was taking my first steps in the blogosphere, I used to read a lot of articles on the dos-and-don’ts of blogging. And I finally found that it’s the title of a post which matters most. Make sure to come up with a title for your post that is very attractive. This title alone should be sufficient to compel someone to read your post. For instance take the title of this post. Had I named it How to improve your blog or something along those lines of it being the 199th post, I am more than 500% sure none of you will even be reading this.

Yes that brings me to the point – This is the 199th post. 😀 Just one more to reach that magic figure of 200 this year itself. (Now I know what a batsman must be feeling when he reaches the 200 mark especially after so much hardwork, lot more hardwork than writing stuff here.)

Looking at the title of this post, one can realise that it is a very careful combination of something current – namely Nira Radia; and something intriguing – Himesh Reshamiya’s secret. Make sure that you don’t say too much in the title. It should always leave your reader wanting more.

Blogging is something I started after lot of coaxing by few friends of mine. I used to write but only in my dairy. Be it poetry or anything, all would go into the diary. I even had a special pen for the same. Occasionally would share the same with few friends. And finally I landed myself into this new universe of blog.

Writing was never a very strong point of mine, believe me its true!! There was a time when just the thought of writing an essay would make me feel like getting fried like oyster. Neither did I ever get any help from our English teacher. She believed more in hitting the palm with a ruler for even a small mistake like missing out an article!!!

And then one day I was asked by the same teacher to write an essay. It was for some state inter-school contest. The topic was “Something that touched me”. Leave aside giving any thought to the topic; I was more thinking of the number of times I’ll be hit by her.

The weekend before submitting this essay, Bhaisa and one of his friends took me with them to a cancer hospital. It was a child cancer section that we visited. Watching those kids and hearing about their conditions, some even in the terminal stage, it was too emotionally draining. I was in admiration of these kids, some just two years old, for the strength and courage they showed. Few even knew what they were suffering from still they were smiling. Even today when I think of that ward, I get so inspired. The thought of those kids usher in a new strength into me.

I now knew what to write for the essay contest. I poured out my heart and wrote my feelings of the incident. I even got the first prize for the same, and first time my English teacher was all smiles. First time she said something encouraging. “I knew you can do it, and I wanted you to open up and learn to speak your heart out. Try writing something whenever you can, preferably on weekly basis. I can say in full belief that you’ll master in writing skill one day”. And later back home I got to know that it was she who had requested my Father to see if I can be made to visit the children cancer ward!!!

Thanks Miss Sammy!!! Though it was the hard way, but she did give me one of the best gift – How to pass my time constructively!!!

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