Head of Department
Lord of all wings
Time: 10:30 am IST
Subject: KgP Weather
I know you must be completely occupied with your December, 2012 plans but meanwhile, with due regards, and I would like to draw your attention towards the dismal weather scenario in KgP. Its 2nd week of May and temperature is already soaring up beyond 40C. Sometimes, it feels that Equator’s epicenter is this place only and we are inside some kind of an unregulated oven. Humidity, BEWARE. I have been sweating so badly that in the last few days I have tasted every salt my body has produced through the sweat and trust me it’s not NaCl (common salt), it taste way weird. About body odour!!!! Guess what, if odour were visible, as color is, I’d see the summer garden in rainbow clouds.
God, as per my class 2nd books, there are 4 seasons. (World Meteorological Department later confirmed me as well) But it seems like you have completely forgotten about spring. About spring don’t you even ask? People have even stopped expecting it here. Probably, the next generations of KgP won’t even have the description of spring in their school-curriculum. Not fair God. It’s just summer and dreadful eternal summer here. And YOU MR. SIDNEY SHELDON, Nothing Last Forever, sorry YOU ARE WRONG!!!!
God, I am not accusing you but literally I feel that the sub ordinates to whom you have given the in charge of KgP zone are perhaps busy listening to Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM, “It’s hot” without realizing the fact that KgP is turning way hotter.
Trust me god, the constant sweating while watching cricket matches (IPL season 4 these days) or Football or Nadal/FedX, is exceptionally irritating. And someone even informed me that it’s Head God who when plays cricket to hit 4’s and 6’s, we get rains. I just want to bring to your notice that could be he is not really fair in hitting the boundaries in all the zones. This does need attention from even HCC (Heaven Cricket Council). I do smell match fixing here God.
Dear god, I don’t want to hurt your sentiments. In fact, I am a big follower of yours. I appreciate the way you made dinosaurs to extinct which I personally feel that you did the right thing. Do same with the cockroaches and mosquitoes. Least to mention, you made India win the WC and I know deep inside that when that winning six was struck, it was not Dhoni, it was you. (Ok fine, enough of buttering).
But god, please please pleases, for god’s sake, take this place’s condition seriously. After all, it’s a big city too. Today DOORDARSHAN includes KgP weather showing at the base while telling the weather news during National NEWS, then why don’t you include it in your priority list. God please don’t concentrate all the UVs of India over us only. Distribute it in a fair manner please.
Awaiting immediate response,
Truly yours (except in May)
PS: That’s it, confirmed, I will go to hell now for this complaint against Zonal God. My partner in crime here – Pachu!! Please don’t forget her God when you consider my case. She instigated me with her talks about “Rains” the illusion at present for me.