After school life and ragging I think go hand in hand. And as you all must know after Chetan Bhagat’s IITian-bhagvat that IIT’s do follow some nice exclusive ragging methods.
It was Civil Engg class (as per us, it was the most useless subject we were doing) and I arrived at the class ten minutes early in order to grab the last bench so as to complete the 2000 word assignment given by our senior on a mind -blowing topic “AN AFFAIR WITH AN ANT”. The last bench was already occupied.
Me: Hey, please can you give me your seat; I need to complete the special assignment.
That guy just flashed his folder sheets in the air over which his topic was written – “Why Parle G and not Parle F” – 3000 words!!
His teary weary eyes truly expressed that he can’t write 3000 words about him; where this Parle A, B, C, D thing came!!! I expressed my heartfelt sympathy to him like a co-prisoner who is locked up in the same jail.
I took whatever seat available in whatever available end-row and started writing. Half an hour later, I was fully exhausted. Mind clogged. Truly speaking, writing 2000 words on that silly topic felt like counting 2000 stars in daytime. I was so enervated that once I even started listening to the civil professor’s useless lecture.
After 30 seconds of my traumatic concentration to the lecture, I turned my head towards my bench-mate. Rolling the pen between his fingers, fully captivated in the class, he was noting even the minute details of the lecture in his king-size notebook as if he has to prepare a national railway budget for the next fiscal year from those entire details. An ideal Complan boy I guess!!!
I started writing again. I tried to write a sensual portrayal of the ant. Something like this!!
“Wearing a pink colored T-shirt outfitted with 6-legged blue Calvin Klein torn jeans escorted with a long silky hair (0.2mm), she looked like an angel from heaven. Her microscopic hazel eyes when affixed with me, I immediately knew she was the ONE for me. My heart started pounding hard and her delicate antennae blissfully fitted on her head displayed the frequency as 121 beats/second!!! She was implausibly ravishing. Probably James Blunt has sung the song “You are beautiful” remembering that “Gorgeous Ant” only.”
Thereafter, I wrote “something something” which was completely stupid just like the last paragraph. Even then, 2000 words was a Herculean task. So, I stopped pestering my timid brain. I took out The Times of India newspaper which we generally used to take in the civil class for time-pass. Some spicy news on Salman-Sangeeta was making the stories. I copied the whole report just replacing Sangeeta’s name with “Her” and Salman’s with “Me”.
Around 5p.m. in the evening, I submitted the uncanny report to one of my most chilled senior. Better not to take the name, but let me assure you all, I can never forget the fellow ever!!! My goodness, he started reading it with 110% concentration word after word as if it’s an end-semester’s leaked question paper. I shivered as they have strictly mentioned not to copy from any external sources. After few minutes of absolute silence he said – “Well done boy, Good work!!”
I relaxed. Felt like a cold-blooded criminal has been denied of all charges and has been declared innocent. Before I can feel the feelings anymore, that senior (walking away with a guileful smile) said – “By the way, Salman and Sangeeta, everything’s now settled and its peace in their life. Hope you too have a good time tonight at the 5th block terrace at 11p.m. SHARP!!!!!!!!!