I miss you more than words can say!!!

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I felt the need to write this today. Today, the day, when I lost the best person of my life!! Actually, I just needed to write this for my own personal reasons. It is all probably going to come out in a big mumble-jumble mess.

Yes I do miss my mother. I miss her terribly. This isn’t something that bothers me usually; it’s been now quite many years that she’s been gone. I’ve learned to carry on just fine. I don’t get upset when people ask me about Maasa, or when I have to tell them that she is no more. I always hear the “I’m so sorry to hear that”, and “I’m sorry I brought it up”. You know, I am more than happy when someone brings her up! Sometimes I wish I could just sit and talk about her, tell about what a great woman she was. And – I could, I could talk about her for hours, and I could tell you the stories I remember and the things I know about her or the stories I’ve heard and continue to hear on occasion. She was simple. She was fun. She was soft spoken. She was competitive. She was caring. She was strong. She was responsible. She was amazing. But most of all, she was my mother!! No one can ever replace a mom. No one can take the place of someone who brought you into this world. I see people with their mothers. Whether it is the person is 40 years old and the mother 70, or the person 17 and the mother 40, or the person a child of 6 and the mother 30′s, the relationship is something you cannot replace.  And yes it’s also something I yearn for!!!

I am not a sad person; I have learned to move on in life. Infact I feel, even after all this, I am very much a blessed person. I have stopped taking anything for granted because I know as soon as I can have something, I can lose something. I cherish and appreciate everything about my life and life in general. Life is too precious to not enjoy every day while you can, cherish every moment, cherish every person dear.

I just miss having Maasa come and join in my success. I miss her laugh. I miss her soft talks. And I know she would have hugged me seeing me down if she was still here. And I also know ALL of you would have loved her; that’s just the kind of person she was. I wish that I could just go home and talk to her, tell her all about my problems and my aspirations. And I know she would help me try and reach my goals with all she could. I know things would have been a lot different with her here especially today when I am not yet fully fit, a lot easier in fact!!!

I cannot complain, for I have two most amazing people with me – Minniedi and Maa, my guru. They help me through everything and support me all they can. And wondering about something which we cannot get or let happen, doesn’t really do anybody any good anyways.  It’s just all thoughts that cloud up your mind and toy with your emotions.

Well, still I can easily say that I would do anything to see Maasa one more time. Just to talk to her, just to touch her. Maybe she is watching over me, taking care of me still. I do feel her every day. I know she is there. But it’s hard. Really hard!!! But I know and am sure I’ll see her again one day!!!!

I thought of with love today but that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I even speak your name,
All I have is memories and picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake of which I’ll never part,
God has you in keeping, I have you in my heart.

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