I miss you more than words can say!!!

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I felt the need to write this today. Today, the day, when I lost the best person of my life!! Actually, I just needed to write this for my own personal reasons. It is all probably going to come out in a big mumble-jumble mess.

Yes I do miss my mother. I miss her terribly. This isn’t something that bothers me usually; it’s been now quite many years that she’s been gone. I’ve learned to carry on just fine. I don’t get upset when people ask me about Maasa, or when I have to tell them that she is no more. I always hear the “I’m so sorry to hear that”, and “I’m sorry I brought it up”. You know, I am more than happy when someone brings her up! Sometimes I wish I could just sit and talk about her, tell about what a great woman she was. And – I could, I could talk about her for hours, and I could tell you the stories I remember and the things I know about her or the stories I’ve heard and continue to hear on occasion. She was simple. She was fun. She was soft spoken. She was competitive. She was caring. She was strong. She was responsible. She was amazing. But most of all, she was my mother!! No one can ever replace a mom. No one can take the place of someone who brought you into this world. I see people with their mothers. Whether it is the person is 40 years old and the mother 70, or the person 17 and the mother 40, or the person a child of 6 and the mother 30′s, the relationship is something you cannot replace.  And yes it’s also something I yearn for!!!

I am not a sad person; I have learned to move on in life. Infact I feel, even after all this, I am very much a blessed person. I have stopped taking anything for granted because I know as soon as I can have something, I can lose something. I cherish and appreciate everything about my life and life in general. Life is too precious to not enjoy every day while you can, cherish every moment, cherish every person dear.

I just miss having Maasa come and join in my success. I miss her laugh. I miss her soft talks. And I know she would have hugged me seeing me down if she was still here. And I also know ALL of you would have loved her; that’s just the kind of person she was. I wish that I could just go home and talk to her, tell her all about my problems and my aspirations. And I know she would help me try and reach my goals with all she could. I know things would have been a lot different with her here especially today when I am not yet fully fit, a lot easier in fact!!!

I cannot complain, for I have two most amazing people with me – Minniedi and Maa, my guru. They help me through everything and support me all they can. And wondering about something which we cannot get or let happen, doesn’t really do anybody any good anyways.  It’s just all thoughts that cloud up your mind and toy with your emotions.

Well, still I can easily say that I would do anything to see Maasa one more time. Just to talk to her, just to touch her. Maybe she is watching over me, taking care of me still. I do feel her every day. I know she is there. But it’s hard. Really hard!!! But I know and am sure I’ll see her again one day!!!!

I thought of with love today but that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I even speak your name,
All I have is memories and picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake of which I’ll never part,
God has you in keeping, I have you in my heart.

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9 thoughts on “I miss you more than words can say!!!

  1. Love you BT huggggg!!
    She is there, she is there helping you thru others. You just need to feel her.
    And she must be feeling proud of you today, of what you have achieved in life. And I feel so proud to have you as my friend seeing the positivity in you!

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  2. agree with apra here.. maa to maa hoti hai but your maa is just there in each and everyone of people who are close to you. and she is observing you seeing you and loving you as she has always been.

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  3. Bhaskar your mother is in your heart and thoughts… and she is watching you.. if you remain unhappy like this it wl hurt her the most..

    I know how it feels to lose someone.. I lost 3 babies.. sometimes I get angry at them as they left me.. but when I think that they are with God I feel better.. the pain wl never go but I hv to live with that..

    I cried and cried for days when I lost my pet dog due to illness.. Pankaj told me one thing instead of being sad celebrate your Ginny’s life.. she got so much love from all of you and good thing is that she is gone. her suffering is over. and he was right as usual

    so so cheer up and celebrate your mother’s life

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  4. She is there with you I am sure, Bhaskar. And so make sure you stay happy.

    I do recall spending moments with her. She was one soft yet strong person by character. You could get connected to her easily! You were lucky to have such a loving and supportive mother. And you are still lucky to have these two amazing people in your life now, who I have seen have been the same for you as ur mom.

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  5. Bro…sorry but i wont read it…read few lines and know its about whom..but trust me..bhaiya..i can understand you here…maybe more than anyone…just hugs for worlds bestestestestest..bro …aap hi bolte hain…woh dekh rahein hai hume..actually i am sure my mum must be thanking your mum right now…for bein there for my stupid daughter always hehe…they are good friends there..i know 🙂

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  6. I cannot say much on this one
    But I am sure she must be watching you wherever she is. She might b taking care of you in her own way. There’s one hand of hers there on your head which always makes sure ki aap teek ho, khush ho.
    *Hugs to You Bhaiyya*

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  7. Hey Bhaskar,

    If u really love ur mom then keep urself happy ..bas thats all i can say 😦

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  8. You make my eyes watery every time you write something like this. The amount of love you still shower and the respect you have for your mother cannot be expressed in words at all.

    Like someone said above, if you stay happy, strong and be smiling always even she’ll be at peace and be happy and smiling too, up in the Heavens.

    We’re always there by your side. In your good, bad and all times…>:D<

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  9. Bhai,

    Auntiji is there with you and shall always be there for you. It’s just that you cannot see her , you just have to feel her around. And yes, if you want to talk about her, you can talk to me anytime.

    God bless her soul and may you stay safe and happy.

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