First thing first, this is not Bhaskar who is writing this post, instead, it’s me Minnie, who has taken control of his brains and fingers, to make sure he writes what now I wish. I am here for an “Auction” and I feel it’s better to clearly describe the terms of auction and highlights of the item to be auctioned. Then, I am really a fair and transparent woman and don’t want to hide something and keep the scope for blame game later on.
To start with, let us get into a little background. There is an old song, Aadmi jo kahta hai, aadmi jo karta hai, zindagi bhar vo sadaye peecha karti hai (whatever we say and do, follows us for the whole life) and to be honest, some times I feel that the song was written with me in the mind of the lyricist. No prize for guessing what mistake I am talking about. Few years back I took him into my family, I made this blunder and the end result is here – Still following me no matter how much I try to flee off. That is why, after much consideration and thought processing, I am taking this initiative to arrange an “Auction”.
The terms are quite different from regular auctions, as here the lowest bidder with the least counter terms will be the winner. Shipping charges will be incurred by me (with pleasure). There is no such list as claim or warranty terms as that is ABSOLUTELY not available.
1) The item here is a 30 something creature from the male species of the human races. However, he firmly believes, age is just a number and that has nothing to do with sharing the responsibilities, making sensible decisions or talks, do the things which human beings usually do (like marriage, kids, being social in relations and society etc. to name a few).
2) When it comes to the tasks like cleaning up his own room, participate in family matters and sharing the household responsibilities like going to market for grocery or other shopping, his opinion about certain decisions etc, you can expect as much share as from a 3 year old.
3) Though the creature mentioned here is working currently but has a strong longing towards retirement as soon as a suitable caretaker is found. The term suitable means, one, who can pay his car fuel cost, shopping bills, two annual vacations etc.
4) He has few very close buddies, most duly settled in their lives with wife and kid/s but share same feelings about the retirement. The caretaker can thus expect few new add-ons to the original item auctioned any fine morning. 😛
5) Shopping to him means, buying a shirt or trouser with same shade of blue or black for 999th time, get his hands on latest gadgets and any other thing which has a circuit or gear in it.
6) Watching TV means, putting it on mute while changing channels in every millisecond, and the music system playing the current favorite in full blast. During all this time, the creature will actually be reading a newspaper or book.
7) Listening to music means – What is his favorite in repeat mode for “N” number of times (no number can do justice here so let us stick to ‘n’). BTW this favorite keeps on changing as you blink the eyes!! He is still searching for the music system (BOSE is preferred) which can play just the particular piece of a song in repeat mode.
8 ) If you hear hysterical sounds at 2 AM in night like some one is laughing while rolling on floor, there is nothing to worry about as the creature will be actually watching re-run of FRIENDS for 555th time or watching Jab We Met for 555555th time or watching Munna Bhai MBBS nth time.
9) Expecting him to cook will strictly mean to boiling water, make coffee and in worst case, prepare Maggi. Nevertheless, cleaning up the mess in kitchen then after will not be included in cooking.
10) A battery operated automatic stapler with 5 or more gears (even god almighty will have a hard time in finding out the role of those gears) or a Bluetooth toy car operated by mobile phone (didn’t I say about the belief that age is just a number and then as we all know men are the same like kids – only older – and usually prefer more expensive toys) are the gifts which you can expect from him as your birthday present and it should be adequate enough without any nagging.
11) He is very particular about the diets, especially the breakfast (as that is the most important meal of the day) and expects it to be ready as soon as he is out of bed. Preference will be given to the caretaker who can derive some way to open up his mouth without distracting him from his laptop and slip the breakfast in without him stirring up.
12) Its advisable to get the food list approved for 1 week in advance, as he is very particular about it.
Those are the core highlights of the item to be auctioned and you can express your interest by commenting to this post and we will immediately arrange the shipping within next 24 hours of signing the papers. As mentioned item will be auctioned on “as and where available” basis and can be inspected 24×7 hours for 365 days. The auction will be on first come first serve basis and the detailed list of features and terms can be obtained on request.
Footnote : (after a small goof up or hitch or trouble) -This post has been made to give few of you the clear picture of what I am really in my day to day life. 😉 I know most of you know and do not carry any misconception about me, but few needed to be kept aware of the facts. Do take it as humour by Me. Just a mock post on auction.