They always said you were my mother’s body guard when she was going to have me. You were the first one to hold me – even before my mother or my father. You thought I looked like a monkey with all the hair on my head. You thought all baby’s were born bald. You wanted to take me out to your friends the very day I was born and you cried for 10 days since they won’t let you take me anywhere.
You taught me how to play cricket especially spin bowling – a skill I am still so proud of. You made me sit on the bar in your cycle and I swear bhaisa, that used to hurt. But I never complained, you know why? Because I loved you more than anyone else in the world and wanted to be with you even if it was for few minutes.
You went to Chandigarh for higher studies and wrote to me every week. I too made sure to visit you every weekend that you failed to come home. I wanted to grow up so fast and catch up with you. You told me when you had your first crush – I look back and think 11 years is quite an age gap to be confiding in a little brother.
And then you got married to your crush and I was so happy. I did everything you asked me to do because I could see that would bring a smile on to your face. I never told you but I still remember one day, you looking at me when you thought I was fast asleep and smiling. Maybe you did it everyday!!!
You were always there for me. I just needed to call you. You never let me do anything and made sure to take all responsibilities upon yourself. I don’t even recall taking a single decision without talking to you. Even for buying a shirt or shoe, I would wait for you to come and get it done for me.
You were the success story the entire family spoke of – the prodigal son with photographic memory and an undeterred will to ace in whatever he did. And you loudly conveyed your wish to see me take over your place and get all the worldly success. I was and still am your blind follower. You loved me so much. I wanted to do only that which you thought was right. I wanted to prove to you that I was good at whatever I did, that I would stand up to your expectations.
Well the word expectations is so heavy I did not know. I finally have managed to achieve whatever you wished for. But today you are not here to see it. You are not here to be besides me when today of all days I need you the most. Decisions pending, actions to be taken, but today I have to do them all by myself. I am struggling ahead in a world of my own learning something new every single day. But somewhere still assuming that you are there.
I hope some day we’ll meet again. And you will appreciate whatever I am doing. I too would smile, not to prove a point, but because my brother loves me for what I am and not for what I have.